Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The White Woman's Struggle?

It seems that an article was written to Sister 2 Sister magazine by a Caucasian woman who requested a response from black men.

Speak on it!

Dear X:

I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers.

I am a White female who is engaged to a Black male-good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Black female's attitudes about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage. Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If Black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't they look at themselves and make some changes?

Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones,I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public. I would like to hear from some Black men about why we are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan , Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes...I could go on and on.

But, right now, I'm a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don't be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Black men, let me know.

Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA


Brother Spotless said...

Black Male Response

Dear X:

I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl.

Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old black man. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta , Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful black men.
I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why black men date white women. Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why black men dated white women was because they were considered easy. The black girls in my neighborhood were raised in the church. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls. Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of brothers date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of black men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our black women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of this fear, many black men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous black men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women. I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful black men
date white women. Brothers like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds , Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong black women And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire black women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few. I just don't want a disgusted white girl to be misinformed Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when black Egyptian
Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt , you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs. Read your history!
It was the black woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the black woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was black women who were breast feeding and raising your babies during slavery. It is the black woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail. Black women were born with two strikes against them: being black and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise! It is because of the black women's strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could> never> date anyone except my black Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and shades that I love them.
Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about black women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with black women. I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy more so than snotty
looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning
salons to darken your skin? If you are so proud to be white, then why don't you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous? I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the black woman has.

BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children. Someone who can be my best friend and understands my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate. I am looking for a sister and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill. No offense taken, none given.

Signed, Black Royalty

Brother Smartness said...


My thoughts on this are forthcoming.

Brother Smartness said...

Apologies for the delay, but I hesitated to enter this debate of sorts because it is enveloped in fallacies on both sides. Disgusted White Girl argues that women shouldn't be angry because "so many of your men want us." I believe the desire to engage in miscegenation is more of a mutual desire than that comment seems to suggest.

Black Royalty (who, for the record, is not Brother Spotless) says that he will not use his "precious time to slander white people" but then denigrates them by asserting that they once ate "raw meat" (for the record, I did laugh when I read that).

His fallacy, however, lies in his belief that the amalgam of characteristics he has stated above are unique to the black woman.

Brother Spotless said...

Yes, please be clear that while I surely am the descendant of kings and queens, I am not the Black Royalty who wrote the response to the Disgusted White Girl.

Brother Darkness said...

My Black Male Response

After reading the comment posted by Black Royalty I feel as if I have to tame the fire a bit. Lots of things were brought up that got into a whole new discussion than the initial posting set out to engage in. There are some points that I agree with, most importantly the one about us (Black man) wanting White women so badly. Now, don't get me wrong, I know quite a few brothers that are very fond of White women. Let's be serious, I know brothers that are very fond of Latino women. Yet we don't see our sisters being upset when Mr. Johnson is dating Ms. Ramirez. Why is that? Is it because he stayed in the "minority" circle by choosing a Latino (they get discriminated against just as much as Blacks)? I will leave that question open to further discussion. It is funny that the question of interracial dating was brought up because I had thought about writing a posting on it. But I am glad it was brought up like this so some records could be set straight.

Similar to Black Royalty I agree that some brothers date White women because they think they are easier to control and aren't as strong willed as Black women. That can be the case at times but I do know and have known Black women that fall victim to the same things White women fall victim to when they date a Black man. Let's be real, a Black man, who is afraid of commitment, has issues with infidelity and just lacks real strong morals is going to be with a woman who is easy to control. I disagree that White women are the consensus "easiest" women to control. Believe me, I have been in China for 3 weeks and counting and I know that Chinese women are pretty easy to control but that's neither here nor there. And the point about White girls being "easier" is an overstatement at least in my experiences. That kind of generalization is one that most non-Blacks make about us. Such as: All Black men cheat or Black men never take care of their children. Let's not fall victim of labeling people because we have been labeled our whole lives.

One point that I agree on is the fact that it is hard to find a good Black woman. It's hard to find a good woman period. I've met Black women, Latino women, White women, Asian women, and Native American women. The ones that I didn't like all suffered from the same shortcomings: superficiality, no motivation, aesthetically unappealing, lack of intelligence and just looking for the kind of man that I am not. Many women (non-Black) I meet expect me to be a certain way. They expect me to fit stereotypes they have about Black men such as being a thug, using "non-standard" English and dropping the "n" word thousands of times. Yet many Black women I've met expect me to be the same way. The fact remains that women aren't used to meeting intelligent and intellectual Black men that are actually interested in getting to know them mentally, physically and spiritually. It is a fallacy that is going to plague us Black men forever.

Brother Smartness raised a great point about miscegenation being a two way street. If Black men want White women so badly, they want us just as much if not more. I know that for sure because I know many White women that openly affirm that they only are attracted to Black men. Interracial dating is a double edged sword to this day. Many people look for someone different yet shares similar ideas. When they find that person it's a great time in their life yet they have to deal with the problems and jeers that comes with being in an interracial relationship. It is sad that we (Black people) cannot be happy for our brothers or sisters when they find someone. Whether he or she is dating someone within the race, we find ways to suck our teeth at their decision. We forget that their happiness is our happiness because we all want to find that person that compliments us. So instead of immediately saying "Ew, why is he with her" or "She can do better than him," we should realize that each person has something different and special to offer. And a Black man may choose to be with a White woman because she offers something different and a Black woman may choose a White man because he offers something different. Different isn't bad and we shouldn't fear something we don't really understand.

There is no definitive answer on why Black men like White women. I know personally, I like women. I don't care what color she is. I like women.

Brother Lightness said...

Does this ilk even merit an intelligent response?

I'll pass.

Brother Spotless said...


Whose ilk, the white girl or the black guy?

Brother Lightness said...

I was referring to the original letter that started this exchange.

Again, it doesn't merit an intelligent response.

Brother Spotless said...

Maybe Black Royalty should have taken Lightness' path and not responded, but his response was filled with as much "ilk" as the white woman's...

Anonymous said...

To answer the original post, white woman, you are not coveted, just a good mixing agent.

Just joking, but all jokes aside see points below:

If recent DNA studies have suggested that human haplogroups have all stemmed from the SAME ancient group of people, then wouldn’t that suggest that “race” is at best contrived for categorization and at worst a figment for division and oppression. Current cultural traditions and socioeconomic climates are just derivations of the true issue—that people are easily controlled, which is why in 2006 “interracial” dating is albeit taboo. Manipulation usually begins with a fact, i.e. my family members look white and have married white so I should marry white as well, and those other colors are off limits to me, because they look different so they must be made different. However, fact does not equal truth. Simply put, this is assimilated custom. I just picked on white, but the same goes with other “races” obviously. Then families become bigger, big families become tribes, tribes magically become “races”, and those “races” develop a culture. What people are really attracted to is the cultural implication that your skin color carries. For example, an American Chinese girl hardly resembles a Chinese girl born and bred in China culturally, and as a result she (the American) would be typecast as acting “white” (or in some cases acting “black”) to her born and bred Chinese counterpart. Not quite a racial issue now is it?

So WTF does any of this mean? You’re only black if you’re told you are, you’re only white if you’re told you are. They’re just archaic labels that seem to be executing their jobs quite efficiently. I say peel back the covers and mix it up some more. For example, see Brazil. FYI they had ten times the amount of slaves of North America “settle” there, yet have intermixed quite beautifully, and managed to retain West African customs, (see samba) as well as Iberian European customs (see Portuguese), to create their own unique quite UNIFIED culture. So WTF is the problem with North America?

And on a tangent, incantations of praise for black women are futile, rather limit them to your own mother, grandmother, daughter etc., and not give a “skin pass”, as our women are not the only ones who have been oppressed and endure hardships (see Middle East, particularly the ‘stans, or the Southeast Asia like Cambodia, yadaya).

The real shame in any of this lies in the truth that a second class mentality (whites are better), a third world existence (i.e. the ‘hood), and the aforementioned class division (white vs. non-white) are continuously perpetuated in our “free” country.

Put me in the pocket young’n.

Brother Smartness said...

Well said anonymous.

Peace said...

The proper way to treat a man is something that is passed down from generation to generation from Mother to Daughters. Black people were still in physical slavery a little of 100 years ago. My great grandmother was a slave. How can you have a proper family environment where the girls are taught the true conduct of a woman if you were slaves. Black women in America are having to re-learn what it means to be a civilized woman. We didn't have those skills passed down to us from our mothers & grandmothers due to the institution of SLAVERY. The Blackman has no right to desert the Blackwoman- he has an obligation to improve himself & in turn be the mate that God desired him to be for his Blackwoman. It's going to take a strong & intelligient Blackman to help the Blackwoman of America to rise up. The Blackmen who see the profound problems with Black women's character and run to the White woman are cowards & dead-beats. They are the worst of the men in America, they refuse to take on their responsibility.