Thursday, November 22, 2007

Now, Where Did I Place My Chi...

So yea, I’ve been slacking on my diary. Well, not exactly slacking, because there was a point where law school suddenly got real. But I have neglected the blog, and for that I apologize. Please allow me to briefly recap some things I’ve noticed:

--Law school professors are some of the weirdest people you’ll ever want to meet. It’s as if they sold their souls (and abilities to not act awkward around people) to some legal devil in exchange for uber-legal knowledge. Case in point:

I asked a professor a question in class. He thought about it for a quick second and began to explain, using lots of “umms” and “ehhs.” All in all, the first minute of his response was clear. However, he hit a point (as all professors inevitably do) where my question brought about another, and he did the weirdest thing I think I’ve ever seen a professor do: he asked the second question aloud, then began to theorize, and then (here it is) placed his foot on top of his desk while standing, sort of like an over-extended Captain Morgan. He explained the rest of his thoughts (about another seven minutes) standing like this. Then, another question came to his mind, which seemed to shock him out of his tribute to the good captain. He placed his leg back on the ground, continued with his thoughts, and then laid across the desk, seemingly without any understanding of how bizarre this scene was. He just kept talking, so deep in his thoughts he must have forgotten that other people were in the room with him. For a quick second I had an eerie feeling inside, like I didn’t quite know where I was. The scene was too crazy for me; I had to get up and take a bathroom break.

--There seems to be some sort of a rivalry brewing between older folks and younger folks. In actuality, there isn’t a significant difference in age, but because people are people, we all need SOMEONE to hate on. The dividing line seems to be the summer of 2005: if you graduated before then, you’re an old head; if you graduated after, you’re immature. I have to admit, I do find those who graduated after 2005 have a juvenile quality about them; I chalk it up to the fact that most of them haven’t had to deal with a real boss (when I say “real boss,” I mean those bosses who manage places greater than The Gap). There’s something about having real responsibilities that forces one to grow up. As it stands, those youngsters seem to treat law school (both the study and the social activities) as an extension of undergrad. My guess is that cannot be wise. We’ll see…

--As of right now, I am confident that I will do extremely well on my exams. I also feel like the pressure could force me to drop out at any moment. I know the combination of those two sounds weird and mutually exclusive, but I really can’t describe this gut feeling I have any other way. I walk into class and know what’s being spoken about, to the point where I can sometimes anticipate where the arguments of others will falter. In addition, I know there isn’t anything over my head because when I study I know the vast majority of the concepts and terminology. Sounds great, right? Well, not so fast. You see, I don’t REALLY know if I know. The single most discouraging part of law school (and the basic reason for all of the horror stories I heard before entering) is that you never know if you’re doing the right thing.

There are no mid terms or any other grades during the semester, which usually lend folks a peak into where they are deficient. And professors never answer questions directly; I consistently walk away from consultations with more questions than I had before walking into that professor’s office. In September, I recognized this and simply moved on. In October, I recognized this and was able to joke about it with others, which was actually a defense mechanism I subconsciously employed to keep the stress at bay. But now it’s Turkey Day, two weeks before exams begin, and I can no longer laugh this off. Living in a world where I am confident and fearful at the same time about the same thing places an unbelievable amount of stress on my mind, probably more so than if I simply were not confident.

It’s crunch time folks, seemingly the defining moment that separates the best from the average. Only, I can’t tell the difference between the two…

5 comments:

Brother Lightness said...

That Captain Morgan reference is quality.

Given your periodic reflection on your academic experience and what you are(n't) learning, I have faith you'll murk (see: hood vernacular) your exams. I suspect that you've committed far more thought to your academic situation than the majority of your peers, which should bode particularly well for you in 2 weeks.

Alas, I'm clearly biased.

solgenic said...

I don’t know which Brother Spotless story I prefer: The Sponge Incident or Professor Captain Morgan. For various reasons, I’m gonna have to go with The Sponge Incident. But if you say the professor was lying on the desk like something out of a Baroque painting, I might have to flip a coin.

Oh, and where do December ’05 grads fit into this development dividing line? Just wondering....

Brother Spotless said...

I don't know; maturity purgatory?? I can't say I have met any Dec. 2005 graduates in law school.

A Baroque-esque pose would be high-comedy indeed...

solgenic said...

Purgatory?

Hater.

Brother Spotless said...

I think purgatory would be sufficient placement until they proved their grown-up worthiness.

It's better than hell...