Monday, December 31, 2007

I'm Losin' It Ya'll...

As I re-enter society like an ex-con who just did a five year bid up-state, I am finding it terribly difficult to be normal. I can’t seem to entertain conversation with people who are not in law school. I can’t sleep when everyone else is asleep. I’m finding that I am more out of shape than I have ever been since I graduated college (that has less to do with law school, and more to do with laziness). I…for lack of a better term…suck.

After four months of eating, sleeping, and breathing law, nights and days spent fighting off what Jay Smooth calls, “The Little Hater,” I cannot seem to properly acclimate myself to the world that the rest of civilization dwells in. I don’t have a definitive reason as to why I am such an oddball now, but here are my two best guesses:

1) During that four-month span, the world continued as it always has, but somehow I managed to stop the clock within me. All the concentration spent on studying allowed me to drift into my own personal realm, one which paid no attention to the world around me (well, if I were honest I’d admit that at least SOME of the time spent “studying” was also spent worrying. But why be honest? I’m training to be a lawyer for goodness sakes. As always, I digress…). When the studying ceased and I drifted back to reality, I still looked at my life as if it were August when it was really December. I know that four months is not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things (I speak as if I know what that grand scheme is…), but I found that amount of time to be grand when I looked up and found Barack to still be in the thick of the Democratic Primary (shout to Barack).

2) My fellow 1L’s and I have spent too much time talking to each other about the trials and tribulations of law school, as well as making those horrifically corny “inside law school” jokes (my personal favs are: “I use your mom so much that she should have a prescriptive easement!” and “Failing to satisfy a woman is negligence per se.” Yea, they’re as bad said aloud…). One thing that I didn’t realize until after the exam period was the bonding experience that law school can be. Like I’ve said before, everyone becomes scared at some point during their first semester. However, the only people who one can talk to about their fears (as thinly masked as they may be) are other law students. So you explain your fears without actually saying you’re scared, and then you listen to someone else do the same thing. This petrified and anxious back and forth eventually creates a bastardized relationship, fully equipped with its own dialect and said crappy inside jokes. It could very well be that I grew to rely on these relationships, no matter how silly I found them at the time.

Either way (both have probably played a role in my newfound insanity), I now sit here typing away, not only because I have a diary to keep, but also because in a way I’m talking to myself, and who understands me better than me? (please, hold your finger-pointing, ridicule, and the requisite “THAT Negro has lost all sense of being” looks until after I leave the room…)

Given that the New Year is upon us, I guess it is appropriate that I make a resolution. Here I go: MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION is to stay more in contact with folks who knew me before I got myself into this law school ish. The Brothers and Sisters here as well as select others should keep me sane and bring me back to reality when I inevitably slip back into my personal realm or walk up to a complete stranger and ask her “You down with the UCC? Yea you know me!!”

Happy and prosperous 2008 to all of you, and prayers for me (only half-joking).

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